Naruto: Valentine's Day
by rylansato
Summary: It's Valentine's Day in Konoha. Rock Lee buys a gift for the Hokage and Sakura but something goes wrong and Tsunade has the hots for Lee.
1. The Potion

Love Potion #5 - A Konoha valentines day story

"This is it.." a voice echoes into a dimly lit passageway as the sound of liquid being squeezed from a dropper is heard faintly, splishing into another container of liquid, followed closely by a fizzing sound, and a roiling of pink-ish smoke.

"Perfect, now all we have to do is get her to drink it.." mischievious snickering by more than one person is heard in the darkness as the clear liquid is poured into a bottle marked "Sake". "That shouldn't be a problem.." the second voice replied, obviously female.

"Excellent." Another brief round of snickering is heard.. "This time we cannot fail, it is the most perfect plan yet..we shall triumph where our bretheren have failed! Kakashi shall not escape his fate this time around.." the third shady figure rambles on.."When his beloved Hokage drinks this concoction, she will instantly fall madly in love with him, and then love him to DEATH! " he cackles madly, until the female whaps him across the back of the head

"Stop celebrating so much, we have work to do! " she shouts.

"Ah, yes sister..we all know what to do...so lets go! " the three salute one another, and then swiftly vanish.

The sun was rising ever so steadily into the sky this morning over the hidden leaf village, and things were already abustle with life inside it's walls, folks going about their daily tasks with little more than a care in the world, and the young ninja are no exception. This morning, the village had three new arrivals, somehow managing to penetrate the city disguised as travelling vendors, and coincidentally coming to set up in the path of two particular youngsters..Rock Lee, and Tsuku Angirineko, on their way from training.

"Hello there, boys!" the masked man shouts toward the two, who promptly halt thier steps, and conversation to look at the odd pair of men in their cart of wares. The sign on the cart reads "Shinobi brews", and looks more than suspicious, though our two ninja slowly approach. Tsuku takes a few sniffs of the area around the cart, but the scent of food, alcohol, and other things throw him off some..though he still holds his suspicions.

"It's valentines day! you should take something special to someone special, boys..I hear that your Hokage loves sake more than life, eh? " as he sets the finely crafted ceramic bottle on the shelf in front of them..

"And how about some pretty flowers for your girlfriends, huh? " His partner behind him, nodding vigorously, but staying silent otherwise.

"Ehh..this cart smells like rats.." Tsuku mutters, as Lee, starry-eyed, and oblivious as ever listens to very word the man has to preach. "and besides..Tsunade already has a lifetime supply of sake..what does she need another bottle for? " even as Tsuku speaks, Lee is purchasing the spectacular looking bottle of Sake from the man, who also hands him a few flowers as well. Sweatdrops appear across the back of Tsuku's head as he sighs.. "Lee, you're so hopeless.."

"Hopeless you say? " said the until now, silent vendor "He wont be for long, once his girlfriend, and the Hokage recieve their gifts of love!"

Tsuku rolls his eyes, ready to snap back with a witty retort, when he's grabbed by Lee, who promptly drags him off at high speed..

"C'mon Tsuku, you have to help me find Sakura so I can give her her gift!"

He sighs, resolving to just go along with rambunctious fellow, if anything else just to keep the peace while in the Hokage's office.


	2. Lee and Tsunade

Meanwhile, in another part of the village, the second phase of "Love potion #5" was underway as well. The female of the three visitors was lying in wait, dressed in an orange bodysuit, and wearing a very convincing grey wig in order to simulate the character from the "Make-out Violence" series of novel. Sure enough, she caught sight of the Copy Ninja as he strolled along, casually reading that very novel on his way to meet up with his team, and what better time to pounce than now? Of course thats what she did, prancing out into the street ahead of him with an armload of flyers for a supposed "Live action screening of "Make out victory". Of course, being the avid fan of the series, even the great son of The White fang was immediately enthralled with such a concept of a live action show. Not wasting any time, she showered him with flyers that instructed him to go to the Hokage's office for tickets, and that there were only a limited ammount. Of course, the scene was similar to that of Lee's, in that, only a dust trail was left behind as a comical looking Kakashi took off to "get his ticket" for the show that sadly, would never happen. At the same time, Lee was just arriving..leaving Tsuku in a confused, jostled state outside the door to the Hokage's office..his eyes nothing but swirls from the rollercoaster ride on the way there.

"Lee? what is it?" Tsunade looked up from her writings as the flippant student made his entrance, fortunately without company in the room, saving Lee from surely getting his head bitten off.

"Happy Valentines day, Hokage-sama! " He states with that award-winning sparkling grin, as he approaches with the jug of Sake..holding it out for her to take, which she does, although thoroughly baffled but amused at the same time at such a thing being given to her by Lee, of all people.

"Happy Valentines day, Lee. How goes your training? " She sets the jug down on her desk as she offers up a little smile to the spitting image of Gai.

"Great! I was able to best Neji in two matches this morning!" He whoots, nearly tossing the flowers he'd gotten out of his hand..which only serves to remind him who they're for, which in turn makes him cut his celebrations short.."Uhm, do you know where Sakura is, Hokage-sama? I kind of..uhm...well I .." he blushes bright red..

"Bought her flowers?" She grinned, jerking her thumb toward the side door to the office.."She's studying in the other room..but I'm sure she wouldn't mind seeing you, Lee.." She smiled at him as she gestured to the doorway.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama! " He salutes her briefly, and then moves off to the side door, passing through it quietly. Meanwhile, in the hall, Tsuku sighs, shaking his head as he mutters to himself.."Why me.." He rolls his eyes as he starts off down the hallway toward the stairs, muttering as he does so.

In the meantime, Tsunade takes a quick look around, and grins.."Well, now I can't let this just sit here, can I? " She looks around once more for Shizune, or Ton ton..before she pops the cork to the jug and pours herself a dish full. She pauses momentarily to observe the aroma, lifting it up to just beneath her nose, taking in the sweet fragrance..before shrugging and tipping up the dish..drinking the entire thing in one swig, before she lowered it with a satisfied sigh.."Oh that hits the spot.." she snickers to herself as she plops back down in her seat..leaning back and just staring off into space for the time being. In the other room, Lee had just finished his brief conversation with Sakura, and was now exiting the room. He turned to look at Tsunade, and when she returned his eye contact, he grinned, and gave her the nice-guy pose..

"Thank you, Hokage-sama! I'll be going now.." and as he started to move off toward the doorway, he found noneother than Tsunade herself blocking him from leaving the room, when she had been at her desk only seconds before. "Uhm, Hokage-sama? what are you...?"

"Lee honey.." she said in the sweetest voice..

"Hah..hon..hon..hon-ee..? " Lee's eyes widened into huge white spots in confusion, sweatdrops littering the back of his head..

"Lee sweetie, when will you take -ME- out, huh?..-I'M- the Hokage, and I say we need to get away for a while, just you and I.." She took a step forward, which he matched by taking one backwards.."Um um um um...I think you have the wrong Idea, Hokage-sa.. " She had pounced him then, not taking him to the floor, but rather landing and hugging him against her, coincidentally planting Lee's bright red face between her breasts, his nosebleed was catastrophic to say the least. It was then that Kakashi arrived, and not long after, Gai as well..muttering something about his latest mission when he caught sight of his adorable student being tortured by Tsunade's impressive chest..


	3. Satori and Tsuku vs The Hokage

"WAUUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! " Typical Gai reaction to witnessing such a thing.."My youthful student is growing so fast, but not THAT fast, Hokage-sama!! " he was near the point of opening gates when Tsunade gave the two of them a silly grin, before poking her tongue out at them.."You're just jealous. " Kakashi blinked slowly as he stood there..his hair totally shifted the opposite direction from Gai's explosive reaction, and all frizzled..It took him a moment to find the words to ask, and to remember why he was there over the sound of Gai flipping his gourd..

"Ah, Hokage-sama, where are the tickets to make-out victory..? I need to get them before they sell out.." Kakashi states.

Gai went to his knees."Was it something I did? was it something I DIDN'T do? Oh god! "

Tsunade raised her nose into the air. "Hmph, come Lee darling..let us leave these loud folk to their own.." Lee didn't have much choice, nearly being carried by Tsunade as he was still "hung" there between her breasts..passed out with blood running from his nose.

Kakashi turned some as he watched Tsunade and Lee make thier exit, dumbfounded, but curious. "Hum.." Looking back to Gai, who had settled down at this point, but was still muttering to himself in a less than coherent manner. "Has your student been tipping sake with Tsunade..?" He asks bluntly, making a drinking motion with his hand. Gai swiftly composed himself, coming near nose to nose with his eternal rival..

"Of course not! I've strictly forbidden the use of alcohol in, or out of combat!" He wails "And besides, it looked as though SHE is the one who's been drinking!" The two of them look off down the hallway to watch the Hokage, and Lee departing from the building..which brings a sigh from both of them.."What now..? " the two say, in unison. Reaching the door, the two pause just outside, only to find that Tsunade and Lee were nowhere to be found, and were given odd looks by the numerous passerby's..

"My my, this isn't good.." Kakashi stood upright into a more relaxed stance. "This could be more serious that I first thought..but we might want to keep this quiet until we know whats going on.." Gai gave a nod in response, and the two vanished in seperate directions. In the meantime, Tsuku had retreated to one of his more favoured spots to relax and lie in the sun, which happened to overlook most of the main market area. It was atop one of the larger buildings, on a large round watertank that he found himself more often than not when he wasn't off training. Today however, his thoughts were dwelling on Lee, Tsunade, and Sakura..but more importantly the strange drink vendors that they had came across earlier in the day..What were they doing there, and why were they so eager to sell that bottle to them? Questions ran through Tsuku's mind over and over as he lay there, watching the clouds roll across the sky, until a bit of commotion in the street made him sit up, and peek over the edge with curiosity. It was typical merchant banter that first drew his gaze, until the glimpse of Tsunade and Lee snapped his attention further down the street, which made him shake his head, and rub at his eyes before he'd take a second look..at which time, the two were nowhere to be seen..

" Am I seeing things now..? " he wrinkled his nose as he stood up.." First he ditches me to suck face with Sakura, and now he's on the Hokage's arm? this day just keeps getting better.." Annoyed, he leaps from the watertank to the roof, and then off to the next rooftop in pursuit of the pair of unlikely ninja.

At the same time, Gai was having little luck in finding his student, looking in most of the obvious places, and shops, before he made stops at the local pubs, and drink vendors, asking about Lee pointedly, and turning up with nothing for response. Kakashi however, had run across Satori in his search and acquired his help, making sure to mention that this particular 'mission' was to be kept as quiet as possible, due to the lack of information on the situation. Satori agreed, and the two then split off in different directions in order to widen thier search that much more. Tsuku by this time had caught up to Lee, and Tsunade, and had made his way down to street level, where he approached from behind, now noticing that Lee was protesting his date with the Hokage.

"Don'tcha think he's a bit young for you, Hokage-sama? " saying as he comes to halt a few paces behind them.."I mean..I know the bowl-cut is hard to resist, but c'mon.." he stared at the backs of the pair as Tsunade turned around, Lee looking dumbfounded once more at Tsuku's words.

"Tsu, what are you doing? Hokage-sama is not herself!" He states as he pushes against her, rather unsuccessfully, and at that moment, Satori was watching from the next alleyway, now behind Tsunade and Lee..leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, and his usual Senbon in his mouth.

"So I've noticed." Tsuku and Satori responded, unintentionally in unison, which brought the attention to the new voice momentarily.

"Oh, Lee honey, your friends have appeared? " She says as she rubs her cheek against his.

"Yes Hokage-sama, and if you don't mind, I'd like to go with them now.." he says, still pushing against her.."Besides, I'm all ready interested in someone else!.."He wails, which brings Tsunade's attentions back to him..

"You...you what?" she asks, suddenly dead serious..

"You know that I have feelings for Sakura, I don't know anyone who -doesn't- know that!"

Tsunade was silent for a long moment..her hair hanging over her eyes, shading, and partially hiding them from view..

"oh.." she says solemnly " is that how it is then..!? " as she tightens her grip, and forcefully hurls Lee from her grasp, and straight through the nearby fence..fortunately only losing consciousness, despite having been thrown through a wooden wall, and the concrete one behind it. She then turned to face Tsuku, something of a malicious grin spread across her lips.."You think you can take him from me, just try it!" She challenged, which brought a cocky grin in return from Tsuku..he knew he had little chance of defeating the Hokage in a fight, and even with Satori's help, that chance didn't improve much.

"Oh, I'm taking Lee, and you back home, Hokage-sama.." He tilted his head at her, but otherwise remained still..facing off with someone he was both anxious, and afraid to do battle with.


	4. Not Again

Meanwhile, across the streets, Kakashi and Gai had found one another once more, and had discovered the now abandoned merchant's cart on a side street.

"Now here's something strange..I've never noticed this wagon before..look at the colouring ...this is definately a foreign cart." Kakashi examined the small stand, before dropping to one knee..and placing his hand on the ground "Kuchiyose no jutsu!" He calls out, summoning Pakuun to assist in finding the culprits behind the wagon. "I need you to find this scent. " Kakashi states bluntly, to which Pakuun grimaces, and grumbles before moving over, and leaping up into the cart.

"Hrrmm.. it smells like rats, and foreigners." saying as he sniffs around the cart. "All right, I've got it..lets go! " As he takes off, moving swiftly with Gai and Kakashi in tow. It wasn't long before the trio came across the foreign ninja, which were recognised quickly as Smoke ninja.

"Oh, how could I have guessed..you guys again, huh? Don't you ever learn? " Kakashi asks the three as he approaches slowly..

"He's alive! Shit! run for it! " the oldest screams, but it's far too late for them now..Kakashi coming from one side, Gai from the other, and Pakuun as well, it was a matter of seconds before the Smoke trio were tied up, hanging, and swinging to and fro just like their cousin counterparts ended up after trying Kakashi's patience. Kakashi dusts his hands then, and sighs, before looking between Gai, and Pakuun.."I have a funny feeling that Satori is going to need our help.." Gai nodded, replying to his eternal rival with a grin.

"It'll be good training for him either way.."he chuckles "it's not everyday our students get to spar with the Hokage.." He turned then, vanishing out the doorway with the other two in tow..

The fight with Tsunade had gone just as Tsuku had predicted..both he, and Satori had taken quite a pounding, somehow without being completely wiped out, and were now sprawled out in the street panting for breath.

"Well.."Tsuku says, glancing over at Satori, whom he has yet to introduce himself to.." this could be going better.." Satori chuckles some, looking from Tsuku, back to Tsunade, who was glaring at them from slightly up the street..her arms crossed.

"Fight's not over yet.." Satori replies.." You never know, maybe we'll get lucky and she'll torture us like she tortured lee before she kills us.." they both chuckle some as they begin to push themselves upward.

"Hold your breath.." Tsuku says, already performing handseals, before slapping both of his hands against the street .."Nehan, Kuchiyose no jutsu!" As the summoning takes effect, the street erupts with smoke, that is until the giant falcon takes to the air..blowing the smoke into a typhoon of dust and debris..Tsunade just stands there, un-impressed by the large bird as she watches it take to the air.

"Looks like your birdie is too scared to stick around too..you two should have followed it's example.." she states as she looks back to the pair..both standing at this point, Tsuku wiping blood from the corner of his mouth.

"You go right ahead and think that, Hokage-sama.." Satori crosses his arms as he watches Tsunade laugh..before looking back to Tsuku.

"Oh ok..so now that Big bird's here, now what? Last I checked, she's still gonna' kick our asses.. " looking between the three of them.."Yeah well, it was worth a shot.." Tsuku chuckles nervously as he looks back to Satori, before Tsunade begins to approach them..causing the pair to shift into a readied stance.."You ready?" Tsuku asks.

" Born ready.."Satori replies.."Well then..good.."He mutters as Tsunade approaches to within striking distance of the pair of weary genin.

"Say farewell you tw...twooo..." and just as she's raised her fist to strike..she wobbles..and then takes a stumbling step backwards..her vision becoming blurry..before darkness overtakes her..and she falls straight forward onto the ground..

From above, Kakashi and Gai smirk to themselves, having watched most of the little battle from the rooftops.

"Well thats something you don't see every day.." Gai mutters to Kakashi, who looks on at the two genin below, now rummaging through the rubble of the wall..and dragging lee back into the street.

"yeah..who would have thought that such a young fellow could combine the two jutsu's..Hrmm.." Kakashi pondered over this as he watched the scene come to a close in the street..Lee had regained consciousness and appeared to be well enough to move on his own, however, Tsuku looked ready to pass out, but insisted on leaving straight away, which he did just as Kakashi and Gai moved into the street to retrieve Tsunade..who was fast into a deep sleep.

"Lets get her back..Shizune probably has every ANBU member in the village looking for her by now..and we need to find out what caused all of this.." Gai says as he hoists the Hokage into his arms..

"It was the sake that I bought, Gai-sensei ..those strange men in the market sold it to me, along with some flowers for Sakura.." Lee explained to the three of them as he stood there, supported by, and helping to support Satori..

"Sake huh? " Kakashi blinked slowly..before looking up toward the Hokage's building.."this is bad.."

And at that moment, Shizune was taking a break, deciding to kick back at Tsunade's desk, propping her feet up, and leaning way back in her chair.."Ahh, that feels better.." she mumbles, looking to the bottle on the desk with a smile.

"Well isn't this convenient.." she grins as she snatches the bottle from the desk, and the cup as well.."I'm the Hokage..do my bidding! Muah ha ha! "she snickered to herself as she pours the dish full, and takes a long draw from it..tipping it back, and then setting the dish back on the desk with a sigh.."Well, back to work I guess.." Just as Sakura steps into the room from where she'd been studying..stretching, with a yawn.

"Man..I fell asleep..did I miss anything? Where's Tsunade..? " Shizune just grinned..getting up out of her chair, and moving around to lock the door to the room..

"Where's ...who? "

Kakashi's head droops as he hears a scream coming from the Hokage's building..Gai's mouth drops open, and sweatdrops form across Lee, and Satori's heads.. "Not again!!" the four of them exclaim as they start off up the street.

Happy Valentines day Konoha!

The End


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